...AWKWAAAARD!?!

Okay, this week just keeps getting weirder and WEIRDER!
I used to date this guy, Thomas...he's a 22 year old sweetheart.
Our relationship got..pretty heavy after awhile, and we eventually went our own seperate ways...
I was getting kinda freaked because he kept sending me things...talked about marriage and kids and commitment...
Meanwhile, I'm sitting here thinking "I'm frickin 17!!!! Not 25!!!"
Yeah. Self-explanatory there.
Anyways..
We never talked, whatsoever. He was incredibly angry with me for "breaking his heart", while I was incredibly relieved because I thought he was turning into a stalker.
Now, a few months later, he sends me a message on facebook. (NOT myspace, you twits!)
He wants to be my friend, we've got catching up to do...blah blah blah. Right? Right.
Do I buy it?
...
Yeah.
I added him back to facebook, and we're currently talking again.
Do I feel comfortable?
At first, yeah, because the questions were very generic.
How re you, how's life been treating you, what's new...all that jazz.
But then the questions started getting more personal, like...how's your current relationship? How did our breakup affect you?
WAY too personal.
So thats what I said--I didn't want to talk about it.
Am I still scarred? No. Scared? Kind of paranoid >.<
I believe in second chances, so I'm willing to be his friend. But I still have this little voice saying "NOOO DON'T GO THERE!!".
I'm not sure where this is going. I hope I'm not screwing myself over in the long run.
I told Jesse about it all, he's a little concerned, but I hope he knows I can handle it. I think I can, at least.
That's not the only thing that made this week awkward though.
My ex, and friend, Sam confronted me yesterday in Calculus.
APPARENTLY, someone had told him I didn't want to have sex with my current boyfriend.
The only person that knows that, is me and Jesse.
I know I didn't say anything.
SO did Jesse?
He must've, right?
I asked him, and he said he didn't..
It just doesn't make any sense. I should figure it out eventually though.
Okay, and finally, problem number 3.
I'm sick.
Really sick.
I can't sleep, I can eat, but not much..and I've been puking lately.
Some kind of flu has been going around lately, I hope I don't have it.
Schools almost over..I have work and fundraising to do.
I don't have time to be sick.
...
...
...
This sucks.

I Predict Marriage

Last night was a very, VERY interesting night.

I spent the night at my dads (Jose..yes, you heard me). Lots of exciting stuff there, eh?

Ill explain a few things.

My dad left my mom when I was very young. I don't really remember when. Then again, I probably have Alzheimers; I forget EVERYTHING.

Anyhow.

I met dad last year, for the first time in around 14-15 years. THATS pretty big. I haven't seen him, my stepmother Sheri, or my half-sisters, Taylor and Bianca, in almost a year.

So yes, this is big.

Especially to a small person.

Anyhow, my boyfriend Jesse<3 drove me to Saint John. It was a 3 hour drive. He put up wi me for 3 hours.

Wow 0.0;

It was totally priceless. Dad didn't know I was coming, only Sheri did. The girls looked shocked beyond belief. Dad didn't. I think he expected it. <3


Dad did the whole "dad routine" with Jesse..passed it with flying colors <3>

Now, where am I going with this?

Marriage to Jesse?

Not quite.

We went to Rothesay to visit my sexy beast Rylan <3>

xD

Pretty funny actually. We discussed Marriage vs Common Law. I obviously approve of common law--no legalities.

And, I am a firm disbeliever of divorce. When I marry someone, it literally will be "til death do us part".
Anyhow, we got back to dad's, and pretty much went straight to bed. At least, he did. I didn't. I kept thinking about marriage, and whether I could keep the commitment..

(Commitment+my family=baaaaaaaaad..)

Whether I'd be a good wife, a good mother..I don't know. I want to be the best I can, but I'm afraid I can't..

So I texted my friend Jeff, and asked him what he thought about marriage and divorce. I asked him if he knew when it was OK to marry someone..how to know if it's the right person..

He said it would be your true love.

But how do you know when you've found your true love?

When you know you'll do anything to be with them?

What's love at forst sight? can it exist?

I'm not so sure..like, sure you can fall fast, but you can't fall for someone you don't know.

...

Can you?

It all seems so...crazy.

Then that's when the long, sleepless night started. I spent the entire night wondering how to find the one.

Is Jesse the one?
So far, he's the best..I'm so lucky, and I know that..

But is he the one?

So basically..

I spent an entire night questioning our relationship..

with him at my side.

Snoring.

LOUDLY.

-.-

It was a long night..